Discussion in 'Jokes Forum' started by jagerhunchback, Jun 22, 2010.
Why do blonds prefer tilt steering?
More head room.
why do they sport a ponytail...covers up the valvestem
Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
To hold their ankles up!
Blonde walks into a pizza shop and orders a pizza. The guy behind the counter asks if she wants the pizza cut into 4 or 8 slices. The blonde says..."you better make it four......I'm not that hungry".
how do you make a blonde laugh in church on Sunday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
a blind man enters a Lesbian Bar . He finds his way to a bar stool and
orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell
that joke, sir, I think it is just fair (given that you are blind) that you
should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb blonde woman with a black belt in
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares,
'Nah....Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
So your saying that she only has great sex when your gone??
Two blondes were fishing off the bank of a river in the Northwest. A Fish and Game warden sees them, walks up to them and asks them to show him their fishing licence. Both blondes said that they didn't need any as they were not fishing. The warden tells them that they have fishing poles in the water, so they are indeed fishing and need a license.
The blondes reel in and both have a large magnet at the end of the line. "See, we are not fishing at all. There is no hook or bait."
Perplexed, the warden leaves them alone. As he gets into his vehicle, one blonde whispers to the other, " What an idiot. He must not know there are steelhead in this river."
A Brunette & Blonde are working in the same office.
One Friday afternoon a florist delivered a dozen long stemmed roses to the Brunette.
The Blonde told her "your so lucky, your boyfriend sent you flowers!"
The Brunette replied "not really, now I'll have to spend the entire weekend on my back with my legs spread wide open".
The Blonde asked "why.... don't you have a vase?"
nope ... do you have a trip scheduled,a blonde wife or girl friend and your worried?
Two Blobdes were talking 'Sixty dead' in Congo train crash wow?
who's stupid enough to do a congo on a train track?
2 blondes were driving down I-5 on the way to disneyland.
They came upon a freeway sign that read "disneyland left".
So they turned around and went home.
Reminded me of this one:
An adult sex-ed teacher was trying to shock his class when explaining what happens in a woman's body when she is having sex.
He asked a woman "Do you know what your asshole is doing when you have an orgasm?"
She answered "He's probably still on his way to work".
9:25 in the morning is way to early to be that drunk
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None......Blondes don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in big puddles of puke.
Q. What does a blonde do after sex?
A. She starts her car and goes home.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A. The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull meat out of it.
Q. What does a blonde say after sex?
A. You mean you guys are all on the SAME team?
The Mailman's Last Day
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years
of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was
greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated
him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of
fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a
selection of terrific fishing lures. At each of the houses
along his route, he was met with congratulations,
farewells, cards, and gifts.
At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly
beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by
the hand, gently led him through the door (which she
closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the
bedroom where they had a most passionate liaison.
Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him
a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage,
blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming
coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out
from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, " but
what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day, and that we should do something
special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, " Screw him.......give him a dollar."
The blonde then blushed and said, "The breakfast was
One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her
dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for
something cold to drink.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the
restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside? The
blonde said it was hers
'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause
she's tied up under that shade tree.
The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your
dog needs to be bred.'
'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need
bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin.'
The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't
understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'
The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go
ahead, as long as no one is watching. I always wanted a
Separate names with a comma.