Married life

Discussion in 'Jokes Forum' started by ISLAND BOUND, Sep 5, 2013.

  1. ISLAND BOUND

    ISLAND BOUND Well-Known "Member"

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    Mike
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    The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

    My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

    I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

    After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!

    I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

    The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

    My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

    I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
     
    dweston likes this.
  2. Carl

    Carl Bridesmaid,,,,,,,Again

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    :rofl: I'm gonna show these to Gil Marlin when he gets here.
     
  3. invictus

    invictus AVD

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    Some solid ones in there.
     
  4. @-EZ

    @-EZ Fail, try again.

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    Excellent!!!!
     
  5. DoubletroubleII

    DoubletroubleII Fish On!

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    Thumbs up!
     
  6. drseiler

    drseiler Super-Model

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    Hal Danish or Harry Tators
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    My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!

    That rules.
    :rofl:
     
  7. Aggro

    Aggro Keepin my pimp hand strong!

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    Oh shit :rofl:
     
  8. rusn007

    rusn007 Newbie

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    Lol, nice!
     
  9. DITCH CLEANER

    DITCH CLEANER Newbie

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    Nice !!
     
    fishermanbillc likes this.
  10. Vermonster

    Vermonster Well-Known "Member"

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  11. Texlee

    Texlee Well-Known "Member"

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    Amen brother. Pass me another beer.
     
  12. Derfsondeck

    Derfsondeck DUMBASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    HAHAHAHA 1st thing I read this morning thats some funny shit
     
  13. yakergreg

    yakergreg Well-Known "Member"

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    :rofl:Funny chit.
     
  14. BiggestT

    BiggestT I've posted enough I should edit this section

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    Yep, some good stuff there. Only problem, I couldn't share what I was laughing about with my wife.
     
  15. Tues

    Tues Not my job...

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    I'm stealing a couple of these....LOL
     
  16. Arima-bob

    Arima-bob pescadore n j├Ąger

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    worth a bump . . .
     
  17. dragonballs

    dragonballs I'm off probation

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    homerun....
     
  18. Team Ball's Out

    Team Ball's Out Well-Known "Member"

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    The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" Loved it!
     
  19. gooch9526

    gooch9526 Buddha

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  20. fishfish

    fishfish I've posted enough I should edit this section

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    Nice!!!!!
     

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