man rules

Discussion in 'Jokes Forum' started by jagerhunchback, Sep 8, 2010.

  1. jagerhunchback

    jagerhunchback MCLMM

    Location:
    sometimes oahu.....mostly iraq occasionally afghan
    Name:
    mike
    Boat:
    25 ft powercat "Crazy Haole"
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    These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!


    1. Men are NOT mind readers. ( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem
    only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
    other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

    1. Christopher Columbus did
    NOTneed directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
    a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it
    will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Fishing and Boating and Boobs.

    1. Yes, wear the push up bra.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes and belts.

    1. I am in shape.
    ROUND is a shape!
     
  2. DoubletroubleII

    DoubletroubleII Fish On!

    Location:
    Placerville, CA
    Name:
    Greg
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    19' Harbercraft
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    :rofl:Your trying to apply logic to a woman :rofl:
     
  3. Cheney

    Cheney SkateAndDestroy

    Location:
    Alhambra, Ca
    Name:
    Cheney
    Boat:
    none
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    I read them to my wife and she said "you're a dick!"
     
  4. Bayninja 13

    Bayninja 13 Son of Saluki

    Location:
    SANTANA
    Name:
    Melo
    Boat:
    ODC 420, Oso's 17ft Mako... Professional Dock hopper
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    so true........:rofl:
     
  5. jagerhunchback

    jagerhunchback MCLMM

    Location:
    sometimes oahu.....mostly iraq occasionally afghan
    Name:
    mike
    Boat:
    25 ft powercat "Crazy Haole"
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    no worries, my wife thinks i'm a dick too:rofl:
     
  6. Jig Strike

    Jig Strike . . . new and improved

    Location:
    Imperial Beach, CA
    Name:
    Glenn
    Boat:
    Ho Ho Ho
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    That was the most insensitive thing I have ever read.

    Then I drank a beer and farted.

    I'm all better now.
     
  7. CHUBACA6

    CHUBACA6 Member

    Location:
    LA
    Name:
    Oscar
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    none yet
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  8. jonesd055

    jonesd055 Newbie

    Location:
    Hawaii Kai
    Name:
    Jonesy
    Boat:
    20', Calais, Shilelagh Law
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    Hmmmmm, my wife broke the range (glass element type) on our oven the other day by pounding a slab of frozen hamburger patties on it and she broke my truck ignition two weeks ago! I wonder if she'd be able to understand any of these rules??? On the other hand she might just be a genius and just playing dumb/broke em' on purpose so she doesn't have to cook or drive my truck anymore........I'm gonna' print these rules out and post em ' on the fridge-hope she don't break that too!

    Aloha,
    Jonesy
     
  9. Jig Strike

    Jig Strike . . . new and improved

    Location:
    Imperial Beach, CA
    Name:
    Glenn
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    Ho Ho Ho
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    Lucky thing they're so damn cute! ....... :rofl:
     
  10. jonesd055

    jonesd055 Newbie

    Location:
    Hawaii Kai
    Name:
    Jonesy
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    20', Calais, Shilelagh Law
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    Yup, note to wife: Pounding frozen hamburger pattys on top of glass burner oven range does not = DEFROST
     
  11. Double Z

    Double Z Newbie

    Location:
    Outside the Orange Curtain...
    Name:
    Harry S. Stamper
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    Nope
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    I like #1 the best.
     

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