Gambling for a living

stairman

......
May 16, 2009
5,188
3,163
ramona /ca/usa
Name
doug
Boat
yak and lowe duck hunting skiff but they identify as sportfishing crusiers
Grandpa makes a bet during his IRS audit, and it plays out perfectly...
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”
(Thx John)
 

marlyn

I've posted enough I should edit this section
Dec 18, 2005
8,488
2,716
oak hills
Name
mark
Boat
21' skiff and 12' portabote recycled from milk jugs
Good joke but every auditor knows that gambling winnings are fully taxable as ordinary income.
And if you have gambling winnings you can deduct any gambling losses up to the amount of your winnings also(and no im not a gambler,lol)
 

alexalex

Newbie
Dec 13, 2017
21
3
33
Uk
Name
Alex
Boat
Boyar
If you want to make profit on gambling, there are two ways: there is great universal system. It applies on most games/bets. It has been proven both mathematically and in field.
It has 2 simple steps:

1) don't play the games

2) own the casino

Profit is guaranteed.
I personally never play for money, just for fun
 
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rancanfish

wow, how deep is it here?
Jul 5, 2004
515
229
Dublin, CA
Name
Harold Head
Boat
1971 BW Menemsha
Yes that's a good one.

My gambling story.....I was 23 and moving to the midwest, driving my loaded 1954 GMC pick up. I stopped at a Nevada casino because a snowstorm was kicking my butt. I had never gambled.

I watched some people playing slots. A quarter machine. They played for awhile and moved on. So since it was the only thing I knew how to do, I dropped a quarter in. Jackpot! Won somewhere a bit over $20.00 I thought, 'This is easy'. I kept playing until I lost the winnings plus $14.00 more.

Have never gambled again.
 

Reel Kahuna

I've posted enough I should edit this section
Mar 24, 2011
857
338
Lake Camanche, CA
Name
Seon
Boat
23.5' Navigator Duckworth F150 Yamaha
Years ago the only machine that paid off for me was the coin telephone when I called home from Reno. It kicked back my quarter after I finished the call.
 
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Carpfisher

Chief Cook & Bottle Washer
Jul 3, 2012
789
313
Carpinteria
Name
Paul
Boat
226 Cabo Cuddycon, 16' Bayrunner
I went to a casino once. Put a 20 in a slot machine. When it said I was up 10 bucks, I cashed out. Did that three times. Was up 30 bucks. My buddy says, no dumbass, your supposed to play till you hit the jackpot or lose. Screw that I said. Proceeded to have a great time watching him lose over 500 bucks. Slept great that night. Who's the dumbass now I told him.
 

Yarik899

Newbie
May 21, 2020
7
0
31
Montreal, Canada
Name
Yarik Griffin
Boat
Aqua Marina Classic Fishing Boat
It is fun to play slots, and of course, it is great to win some money there. Actually I don't do this often, but I visit vip program syndicate casino now and then. It has to be noted, gambling can be addictive, so I recommend to be careful. And I wouldn't choose it as a main source of income. But it's only my opinion.
 
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PoolMan

7 'dines short of a full scoop
Nov 7, 2005
1,558
505
La Costa
Name
Chuck G
Boat
8' sabot #69
Me and a buddy went to visit a freind who lived in Vegas. We were broke. I played the nickle slots at one casino. All of a sudden the bells were rininging and lights were going off. Nickles were falling out of the machine. We were stoked.. Probably won 300 dollars rght there. A waitress walks up and calls me a dumb-ass. If I had bet full amount (a quarter) the win would have been around 30K. DOH. I was 22 at the time. DUMBASS.
 
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fishkilr

.better to be a has-been than a never-was..
Aug 27, 2012
3,340
4,426
long beach,ca.u.s.a.
Name
alby
Boat
None
It is fun to play slots, and of course, it is great to win some money there. Actually I don't do this often, but I visit vip program syndicate casino now and then. It has to be noted, gambling can be addictive, so I recommend to be careful. And I wouldn't choose it as a main source of income. But it's only my opinion.
Got a friend who does or did fantasy baseball for a living for the last 10 years or so...isn't a fan of the game...simply crunches the numbers everyday during the season like a regular job..
Puts in about 25 hours a week and has made between 100 and 200k every year...
Doesnt even watch the games..
 

marlyn

I've posted enough I should edit this section
Dec 18, 2005
8,488
2,716
oak hills
Name
mark
Boat
21' skiff and 12' portabote recycled from milk jugs
When the lottery first came out in california my sister in law who never gambled hit a scratcher for 100 grand,next thing you know she hit 50 grand and a few for 1000 dollars.
Since that time she has lost over a million dollars and my brother in law has literally removed her off all bank accounts and assets as shes so addicted to gambling.
They are retired have money and own a couple homes,since my bro in law cut her off she took a job at a fast food joint just to have 150-200 a week to gamble with,true story.
Gambling is like crack for some people.
 
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