Gil Marlin joke of the day 8/14

Discussion in 'Jokes Forum' started by Saluki, Aug 14, 2012.

Share This Page

  1. Saluki
    Offline

    Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? Where dothey go?

    Wonder no more ! ! !
    It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

    If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

    The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing

    "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
    "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

    Then, they kick him in the ice hole.
  2. DoubletroubleII
    Offline

    Geez......I got a warm fuzzy feeling all over after reading that!


    or its the first half of the gallon of CoLyte I have to drink for my Colonoscopy tomorrow???
  3. Carl
    Offline

    That IS right up Gils alley......Only funnier....:D
  4. Gil Marlin
    Offline

    You know how to catch a Polar Bear??? :rofl:
  5. Gil Marlin
    Offline

    Q: Where do you find elephants? A: It depends on where you lost them. Q: Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes? A: Because the white ones get dirty too fast. Q: Why do elephants live in herds? A: To get a wholesale reduction on the blue tennis shoes. Q: Why do elephants float on their backs? A: So they don't get their tennis shoes wet. Q: What goes clomp,clomp,clomp, squish ,clomp,clomp,clomp, squish..? A: An elephant with one wet tennis shoe. Q: How many elephants can you fit in a taxi? A: Four. (One next to the driver and 3 in back) Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a taxi? A: None--it's full of elephants. Q: What sport do elephants play in a taxi? A: Squash. Q: How do you know when an elephant is visiting your house? A: There's a taxi outside with three elephants in it. Q: How do you put an elephant into refrigerator? A: Open door, put elephant in, close door. Q: How do you put a giraffe into refrigerator? A: Open door, get elephant out, put giraffe in, close door. Q: How can you tell when there's been an elephant in your refrigerator? A: Footprints in the butter. Q: How can you tell when there is an elephant in your refrigerator? A: Blue tennis shoes are left outside. Q: How can you tell when there are two elephants in you refrigerator? A: It's hard to close the door. Q:How can you tell when there've been four elephants in your refrigerator? A:There's a taxi waiting outside. Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle? A: Fridge is not large enough to hold them all. Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun? A: Sir. Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress? A:Anything you want, it can't hear you. Q: Why do elephants drink so much? A: To try to forget. Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey,yellow, grey, yellow? A:An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth! Q: Why did the elephant stand on the marshmellow? A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate. Q: How do you know if you pass an elephant? A: You can't get the toilet seat down. Q: How do elephants get up into oak trees? A: They sit on an acorn and wait. Q: How do elephants get down from oak trees? A: They sit on a leaf and wait for autumn. Q: Why are crocodiles long, thin, and flat? A: They walk under trees in autumn. Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: From jumping out of oak trees - they're impatient! Q: Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes? A: To soften their landing when they jump out of oak trees. Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead. Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree? A: It was glued to the first one. Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree? A: It thought it was a game. Q:And why did the tree fall down? A: It thought it was an elephant. Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock? A: Because that's when the elephants do their parachute jumping. Q: What is a furry alligator? A:A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock. Q: Why are the pygmies so small? A: They can't tell time! Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way? A: To fit on lily pads. Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon? A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads. Q: Why are frogs so short? A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon. Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies? A: You miss most of the picture! Q: What kind of elephants live at the North Pole? A: Cold ones. Q: What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds? A:An elephant six-pack. Q: Why do elephants have cracks between their toes? A: For carrying their library cards. Q: Why do elephants have cracks between their toes? A: So they can wear thongs. Q: Why do elephants have wrinkled knees? A: From playing marbles... Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a whale? A: A submarine with built-in snorkel. Q: What do you say when an elephant sneezes? A: "Gezundheit." Q: How can you tell when an elephant is getting ready to charge? A: He asks if you accept Visa. Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? A: Time to get a new fence. Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools? A: Because they might let down their trunks. Q: Why do elephants travel in herds? A: Because if they traveled in flocks they might be mistaken for sheep. Q: What looks like an elephant and flies? A: A flying elephant. Q: How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant? A: Grapes are purple. Q: What's the difference between an elephant and grass? A: They're both green, except the elephant. Q: How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant if you're color blind? A: Dance on it for awhile. If you don't get any wine, it's an elephant. Q: What did the grape say when the elephants stood on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little whine. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape? A: Cos(Theta) Note:Assumes |elephant| = |grape| = 1 Q: What did Hannibal say when he saw elephants coming over the hill? A: "Look, there's elephants coming over the hill." Q: What did he say when he saw elephants with sunglasses on, coming over the hill? A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them. Q: What did Hannibal say when he saw giraffes with sunglasses on comingover the hill? A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!" Q: What did the elephants say when they saw Hannibal coming over the hill? A: Nothing, elephants can't talk. Q: What did Charles de Gaulle say when he saw three elephants in sunglasses coming down the path? A: Voila les elephants. Q: What did Jane say when she saw the elephants over the hill? A: "Here comes a bunch of grapes over the hill". She was colorblind. Q: What is the difference between an Indian and anAfrican elephant? A:About three thousand miles. Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper? A: You can't make a paper airplane out of an elephant. Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires? A: Smokey the Elephant. Q: Why do elephants wear small green hats? A: So they can sneak across pool tables unobserved. Q: Why do elephants wear green nail polish? A: So they can hide in a pea patch. Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red, green and orange? A: So they can hide in M&M bags. Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow? A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard. Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard? A: No? Well, it must work then. Q: By the way, what is the black triangle sticking out of the custard? A: It's a shark. That's why the elephants hide... Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car? A: Getting two elephants into the back seat of your car! Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work? A: Sole use of the elevator. Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed? A: Your nose is touching the ceiling. Q: Why don't elephants drink martinis? A: Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose? Q: How do you run over an elephant? A: Climb up it's tail, dash to it's head and slide down its trunk. Q: How do you get down off an elephant? A: You don't. You get down off a duck. Q: Why do elephants wear sandals? A: So that they don't sink in the sand. Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground? A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals. Q: What sound you get when you drop an elephant down a mineshaft? A: A-flat miner. Q: What sound do you get when you drop an elephant into an army camp? A: A-flat major. Q: How dow you get an elephant to come in a thimble? A: Stuff a bale of hay in it. Q: How do you stuff a bale of hay in a thimble? A: One straw at a time. Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs. Q: What is grey and lights up? A:An electric elephant. Q: Dow do you stop a herd of elephants from charging? A: Take away their credit-cards. Q: Why do elephants need trunks? A: Because they don't have glove compartments. Q: Why do elephants have trunks? A: Because they'd look silly carrying suitcases. Q: What's grey, has four legs, and a trunk? A:An elephant going on vacation. Q: What's brown, has four legs, and a trunk? A: The same elephant, coming back from vacation. Q: Why do elephants lay on their backs? A: To trip low flying canaries. Q: Why did the elephant cross the road? A: Chicken's day off. Q: Why did the elephant cross the road? A: To pick up the squashed chicken. Q: How does an elephant get out of a phone booth? A: The same way he got in. Q: Why do elephants have wrinkles? A: Ever tried to iron an elephant? Q: How do you get an elephant into a matchbox? A: Take out all the matches first. Q: What do you call elephants who ride on trains? A: Passengers. Q: What did the elephant say when he walked into the bar? A: Ouch. Q: Where do baby elephants come from? A: Big storks. Q: What's grey on the inside and pink and white on the outside? A: An inside out elephant. Q: What is grey and not there. A: No elephants. Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled? A: Because if they were small, white and smooth they'd be aspirins. Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city? A: Free Parking. Q: What do you call a six ton elephant walking down the street? A: Sir! Q: Why are chickens white and elephants grey? A: So you can tell them from bluebirds. Q: Why don't elephants ride bicycles? A: They don't have thumbs to ring the bell. Q: How do you make an elephant float? A: Take two scoops of ice-cream, coca cola and one elephant. Q: Why can't two elephants go swimming? A: They only have one pair of trunks between them. Q: Why did the elephant dry the dishes with a blue dish towl? A: Because they were wet! Q: Why don't elephants like blue lace petticoats? A: Who says they don't like them? Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border? A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch". Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway? A:About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world) Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts? A: They're all on the same team. Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed? A: He has a big 'E' on his pajamas jacket pocket. Q: What do you give a seasick elephant? A: Lots of room. Q: What do you do with a elephant with 3 balls? A: Walk him and pitch to the bear. Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers? A: Cinderelephant. Q: What do elephants take when they get hysterical? A: Trunkquilizers. Q: What is grey, has large wings, a long nose, and gives money to elephants? A: The Tusk Fairy. Q: Where do elephants with skincare problems go? A: Pachydermatologists. Q: How do elephants talk to each other? A: By 'elephone. Q: What's red & white on the outside, and grey on the inside? A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup. Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet? A: An elephant with spare parts.

    If you read all of these, you have a serious problem... :D
    </pre>
  6. DoubletroubleII
    Offline

    ^^^^Don't know if it is funny....it made me dizzy just lookin' at it LOL
  7. Saluki
    Offline

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
  8. Bank Robber
    Offline

    Is this another one of Franks tests?? :D
  9. blowboater
    Online

    I've gotta print that up for my 6 year old! Classic.
  10. Gil Marlin
    Offline

  11. Gil Marlin
    Offline

    Oh, and Elephants wear blue tennis shoes so they can hide in the berry patch...
  12. Carl
    Offline

    Enough......
  13. pura vida
    Offline

    Thats Cold
  14. Gil Marlin
    Offline

    Did you know Elephants will sometimes wear red tennis shoes to hide in the strawberry patch too??? :D
  15. Reel 007
    Offline

    Idle hands, don't you guys have anything better to do with your time?.
  16. lynndeva
    Offline

    This is Gil when he's not busy on Bloodydecks...those hands are never idle :ele:

    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v944tykhge8[/ame]
  17. Carl
    Offline

    Yep Gil on that and "the Hook " on harmonica and drums...:rockin:

    Cool vid Debi....
  18. Gil Marlin
    Offline

    I love Huell Howser... :D You guys want to hear some really good dead baby jokes??? :rofl::rofl:
  19. lynndeva
    Offline


    He's AMAYYYzing! :rofl:
  20. Gil Marlin
    Offline

    Whaoow.. Geeeeeee...Is that a piano with a bunch of sound effects you just played??? He's so bad, he's almost good..

    I think he must donate a lot of money to KPBS for them to air that show... :rofl: